Having twins changes your ideas about being a parent. From the moment I saw those two little dots on the ultrasound every preconceived notion I had about being a first time parent went out the window.
The day we found out was the first time my whole pregnancy that I had morning sickness. I literally felt sick to my stomach after finding out. Mostly because how the heck were we supposed to pay for these two little people. We weren't sure we could afford one baby. I had planned on continuing working and paying for day care. Which is what I have done, but instead of bringing home $1,000 or so a month I bring home about $200 (day care is expensive!).
I have mourned missing out on some other things too. Being able to breast feed and not worry about supplementing, pouring all of your attention one baby, being able to take swimming lessons, the ease of taking one child out, and so on.
J and I used to look at parents with one baby and think you don't know how easy you have it. Especially when we were in the midst of sleepness nights. It was hard not to think of how much easier my pregnancy would have been and to not regret that we would never know what it was like to have just one child.
At the same time I can't imagine what it would be like to not have my two girls. I know how lucky I am to have these two healthy babies. I love them so much. I have to remember too that as a mom of twins I get to experience so many more things then singleton moms do. I get to see how they interact with each other. It is really so neat to see them play together and love on each other. It is even fun (at least right now) to see them fight! Their relationship is amazing. It is neat to watch each develope her own personality. Plus I get twice the love. Although I wish I hadn't missed out on some things I know that I wouldn't want to miss out on all the things we have experienced.
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I can totally relate to what you are saying... I ended up staying home with the kids because of the cost of daycare. It is so hard parenting twins but I agree we are a part of an exclusive club and in the end I know we would never trade it for the world!
ReplyDeleteI clicked over to you from Blair's blog, and I have to say, there were definitely times when I have felt this way. My twins turned 2 in March, and there are still times when I think to myself, "How can those people complain about how hard their SINGLETON is to care for??" I, too, have felt badly about having to miss out on things, like swim lessons and Baby Gym classes, and have felt guilty about having to divide my attention between two infants, and now, two-temper tantrum toddlers. I haven't read back through your blog, so I'm not sure your situation, but our twins were spontaneous -- and most of my other friends with twins went through fertility treatments, so I feel, in some ways, that twins are even harder for me, because we never actually thought we would have twins when we talked about having a child! Good luck, hang in there ...
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean! I was excited about having twins too but there are some things you look forward to with a singleton and with twins it is just INSANE to even try! I'm totally with you there..
ReplyDeleteJust browsing through from Multiples and More! This post describes exactly how I feel at times too. My husband and I often say, "Oh, if we only had one baby..." There are things I wish I had been able to do, like breastfeed longer, rock my babies more, and easily run errands with my kid in tow. BUT, I get to watch my girls discover each other, love each other, and I get two sweet, warm bodies in my lap every night. Best of all, my lucky girls will get to grow up with their best friend. (And I will only have to go through potty-training once! It's all about perspective!)
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