Thursday, May 20, 2010
Here are pictures from our baby wrestling match yesterday.
You can see S cracking up about L giving her kisses. L sits in the middle of the floor while S rolls all over. S would roll away and then roll back. It was a great game.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I can tell you why:
A singleton mom doesn't have to do triage when her infant cries. Which baby needs me more, which baby is more likely to escalate their crying quickly, which will be ok to leave for a minute, which baby is hungrier, which baby pooped more, which baby can I get to calm down faster.
A singleton mom has never had to figure out how to feed two infants at once. If I can roll this one over and prop the bottle here then I can balance this bottle and wipe the formula from her chin at the same time, This baby is done and crying because they need to burp but the other will scream and not take the bottle back if I put the bottle down for a second maybe I can roll her with this hand and lift her by pushing her against me, "Hush honey mommy can't do anything for you until your sister is done eating," "Hold on I'll finish giving you your bottle as soon as I can get your sister to stop crying"
A singleton mom has never had to break up baby fights during tummy time. "No baby you can't suck on your sister's ear," "Stop, when you grab her it scratches her," "Stop kicking your sister," "You can't roll over her"
A singleton mom has never had to figure out how to get two babies and her groceries into a grocery cart. Do I get two carts and put one in each seat and then drag one and push one, do I get a cart and bring a stroller, do I put one in the seat and one in the carrier in the basket
A singleton mom has never been ridiculed by her peers for simply giving birth. "Are they natural," "Are you going to be the next octomom," "I'm glad I'm not you," "You have your hands full," "I don't know how you do it," "Wow TWO"
I'm not saying that singleton mothers don't have a hard time and I'm sure they have experienced some of the things I described. Being a first time mom (or even a second, third, fourth time mom) is hard and comes with it's own challenages. I know that any mother with two or more children experiences a lot of these things, but when it's two infants it seems to amplify the pain. It pierces your soul and breaks your heart when you have to choose between the cries of your two 3 month olds. I can certainly see why so many more MoMs would have PPD.
The fears that come with two seems to be doubled. I worried how we would pay for two. My twins were a surprise. We never expected to have more than one and didn't have a plan in place for paying for twins. We worried about our living space (a one bedroom apartment wouldn't work for four people), day care costs, the cost of diapers and baby food, the cost of clothes and cribs and toys. I still worry about those things.
We worried about the pregnancy. I was in fear my whole pregnancy that they would come early or something would go wrong. I know this is common for pregnant woman but the risks that come with twins seems to be double- worrying about two babies.
I worried when we came home from the hospital that I wouldn't be able to tell my babies apart. It only took a day or two and I knew who was who, but that initial fear was so real and so scary. What if L was really S? What if I didn't know my own babies?
I worried that I would love one more than the other. The nursing books and mothering pamphlets talked about bonding with your baby and I had fears that I wouldn't be able to bond with both.
I worried that I wouldn't be able to handle both of the babies by myself. The thought of both of them screaming scared the hell out of me. I didn't think I could handle letting one cry, or trying to feed both of them. J stayed home with me for 6 weeks and I dreaded and feared the day he went back to work. He was much more confident about caring for the girls then I was. I learned that I could do it. I could handle both of them. I could feed them and take them places but it was scary to be out numbered.
The worst part about being a MoM is having to choose one baby over the other when they are both crying. I can pick up both at once and I have soothed that way but sometimes you have to let one cry and that is the worst feeling in the world. The feeling that there is nothing you can do for your baby.
I completely understand why being a MoM increases your PPD risk.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The girls and I go to church every Sunday. J usually stays at home, because a) we are not the same religion, b) he takes the 2 hours of quiet to clean and get things done around the house that we don't typically have time to do (laundry, yard work, vacuuming, moping, cleaning bathrooms, washing dishes, etc.). So the girls and I go to church with my family and then to Target to run errands afterward.
It is amazing how different going to church is now compared to a few months ago.
In Nov./Dec.: The girls would sleep through the entire mass. We carried them in in their carseats and they would sleep in the carseat until we got home. Occasionally they would wake up and we would give them a bottle. Or we would go right back to my parents' house and feed them.
Now: The girls usually fall asleep in the car on the way to church (it takes about 30 mins to get there). They typically wake up on the walk from the car into the building. Then we take them out and play "pass the baby." L is typically pretty happy to sit on someone's lap and just hang out. She loves playing with my mom and sister's necklaces (so does S). Yesterday during mass L was sitting on my sister's lap and dancing with the music. She did this little sway wiggle. It was really cute! She has figured out that if she talks/yells during the service we take her to the lobby where all the other kids who are noisy go. She loves to watch the other kids.
S is a different story. She is of course my wiggle worm. Holding her during mass is like running a marathon. So she gets passed around a lot. We even sat her in a chair between my mom and me with some toys and blocked her off so she couldn't fall. She loves to watch all the people but only pays attention to one thing for a few seconds before she needs to be entertained with something else.
They both love the bells that are rung during mass. When they ring the bells both stop and look around like "where did that come from?" They are super cute!
After mass we go to Target so I can grocery shop, but diapers and formula. The girls love getting out of their carseats and sitting in the carts. I push one then my mom or sister push the other. Lots of fun!S eating Puffs after church. I was baking so they hung out in their high chairs and "helped"
Baking and puffs are fun!
S playing before church