Ok not really, or at least mine haven't been properly honed yet. I'm deep in the middle of NaNoWriMo and so close to finishing- less than 5,000 words to go! I'm projected to finish today, we shall see. I'm taking a little break to spend some words over here because something struck me hard yesterday.
Do you ever look at your kids and see the future? A neighbor and I were standing watching our kids play, and Lily had little jeans and tennis shoes and she looked so old. All we could think was taking the three of them to the bus stop in a few years.
This happens to me a lot, especially recently. Sophie was playing with some older kids at Gymboree and she desperately wanted them to accept her in their game but they were to busy to notice the baby. She wasn't really upset and tagged alone any way, but what about in future years when she gets left out or teased. The thought of it just breaks my heart.
We took Sophie to a speech therapist yesterday. The pronunciation issues we were worried she had seem as though they will be something that she will out grow. The therapist was worried that she could have a processing issue though so we are going to do another test.
This scared the heck out of me. I grew up with a learning disability that seems to be genetic and I am very afraid that I will pass it on to my children. The therapist said that if Sophie has these difficulties it could be another manifestation of what I have. I did just fine with my LD and taught myself how to do something that people do naturally. I worked hard though and I was often jealous of my sister who did so well in school, not that I didn't but she always did better than me.
I worried about Sophie's future. I don't want her to feel competitive with her twin sister, I don't want things to be hard for her. I worried about the work she will have to put in to adjust. I know that we would help her and do everything we can to help her overcome this, but I know how hard it is.
As a mom it is hard to know that you can't protect them from everything. Sure I can watch over them and hopefully protect them from the big things but they will be teased and they will feel sad and frustrated and I can't stop it. There are hard life experiences that they have to go through to become fully capable adults. Although experiencing those things are all part of life it is hard as a mom to let go and let be.