My Grandma Called Us Fish

My family has the swimming gene. My dad comes from fishermen, my mom was a lifegaurd and swim coach, my sisters and I are divers and grew up on summer swim leagues.
And guess who inherited the gene:





My bee loves to splash and swim. A few days ago we even dunked her under (you blow in their face and they breath and you both go under, my mom's trick) and she loved it- so don't call CPS!



The bug on the other hand is not a fan of feeling. We went to the beach she cried just going close to the water. S was all about it, she hated to get out. She wanted to play with the big kids, it broke my heart how she would watch them and eek at them, saying "look at me, play with me!"

L warmed up to the water as the summer went on. She just needs some time to get used to it. She is my cautious girl. I'm sure by next summer she will be a little fish too.

(I wrote this post forever ago but forgot to finish it! So here it is now)

9 Months

Miss S,
Oh my goodness how I love you. You have grown so much over the last few months, I can hardly believe that you were once the tiny baby I brought home from the hospital. You used to fit in one of my arms and we would carry you around like a little football. Now your long legs dangle off my lap when I read you bed time stories. Although you are never on my lap for long. You love to come in for a quick snuggle and then you are off again. I love our snuggles though.

You are into everything now and have just learned how to crawl on your knees. You figured it out so quickly. You started with rolling every where, then you army crawled and now full blown crawling. You also love to pull yourself up and like to test the waters with trying to stand on your own. Yesterday Daddy and I were playing on the floor with you and your sister and you were crawling all over Daddy. You would pull yourself up on him and then you would let go and fall right on your backside. Then you would look up at me and just laugh.

I think I say "S no!" more than I say anything else but it doesn't bother you. You like to turn and look at me when I say no and smile at me. Then you go right back to what you were doing. When I come and get you you cry, and really let me know what kind of trouble I'm in. No matter how much you keep Daddy and I on our toes your little laugh is just infectious and you love sharing it with everyone.

I am very proud to say that you are me inside and out, I hope you will be proud of that fact one day.

I love you!
Momma

(please ignore my leg!)

My little L,

You are my little snuggle bug and such a momma's girl and I love it! No matter what kind of day I am having when I pick you up at daycare and you clap your hands and wiggle and grin from ear to ear because I am there it melts my heart. When you fall and bump your head and you reach for me to make it better it makes me feel like super mom.

You are sweet as sugar but you can be quite the diva, and you make Daddy and I laugh. You want things the way you want them. Heaven forbid I try and get you dressed when you don't want to or put you in your carseat. You will clench up your little fists and wave them and yell. So you usually get what you want! I guess Daddy and I will need to stop that soon.

You have gotten so big in the last months. You have always been my little peanut but you are catching up to your sister, and you stand your own against her now. You even steal your toys back! You are my little examiner. You love to take things in your hand and turn them over and over to figure out how they work. You imitate very well and figured out how to clap first. You LOVE to dance. You wiggle your little shoulders and it is so cute to watch you.

I love you so much and can't wait to watch you grow into the amazing person you are going to become.

Love you,

Momma

Not What I Thought

Having twins changes your ideas about being a parent. From the moment I saw those two little dots on the ultrasound every preconceived notion I had about being a first time parent went out the window.

The day we found out was the first time my whole pregnancy that I had morning sickness. I literally felt sick to my stomach after finding out. Mostly because how the heck were we supposed to pay for these two little people. We weren't sure we could afford one baby. I had planned on continuing working and paying for day care. Which is what I have done, but instead of bringing home $1,000 or so a month I bring home about $200 (day care is expensive!).

I have mourned missing out on some other things too. Being able to breast feed and not worry about supplementing, pouring all of your attention one baby, being able to take swimming lessons, the ease of taking one child out, and so on.

J and I used to look at parents with one baby and think you don't know how easy you have it. Especially when we were in the midst of sleepness nights. It was hard not to think of how much easier my pregnancy would have been and to not regret that we would never know what it was like to have just one child.

At the same time I can't imagine what it would be like to not have my two girls. I know how lucky I am to have these two healthy babies. I love them so much. I have to remember too that as a mom of twins I get to experience so many more things then singleton moms do. I get to see how they interact with each other. It is really so neat to see them play together and love on each other. It is even fun (at least right now) to see them fight! Their relationship is amazing. It is neat to watch each develope her own personality. Plus I get twice the love. Although I wish I hadn't missed out on some things I know that I wouldn't want to miss out on all the things we have experienced.

The Break

Sorry for the break. I didn't mean to take one, it just kind of happened. This time of year gets crazy at school. We are taking our standardized tests and deliver the yearbooks next week so we have been busy. By the time I get home I am ready to go right to bed. The girls have been teething and it's been exhausting! We've stayed very busy!

8 months

Well the girls will be 9 months next week so this is really late. I'm not going to post letters for them because I figured I would just do their 9 month ones next week. But here are pictures of the girls at 8 months.

Little Bug,


You are my girlie.

My Busy Bee,

You keep me on my toes, and I love it.

Hey I Know You!

All of a sudden the girls are playing together. It is a blast to watch them interact with each other more and more. They have always held hands and kind of talked back and forth but now they play and steal toys back and forth. They love to suck on each other, we call it giving kisses. They laugh hystarically when you kiss one of their baby bellies. If I kiss S then both she and L crack up and vice versa. It is so fun to watch them together. I love that they love each other.

Here are pictures from our baby wrestling match yesterday.


You can see S cracking up about L giving her kisses. L sits in the middle of the floor while S rolls all over. S would roll away and then roll back. It was a great game.

More kisses!

This is my favorite. S rolled on top of L and was trying to bite her backside.

MoMs and Post Partum Depression

I was going through my Google reader the other day and I stumbled across Postpartum Progress. I found this post about a study that found mothers of multiples are more likely to have PPD then regular moms. I discovered this when I found out I was pregnant with the girls because like all other pregnant women I most have been given the list of increased risk factors 10 times. The study said they could not determine why this was true but it was.

I can tell you why:
A singleton mom doesn't have to do triage when her infant cries. Which baby needs me more, which baby is more likely to escalate their crying quickly, which will be ok to leave for a minute, which baby is hungrier, which baby pooped more, which baby can I get to calm down faster.

A singleton mom has never had to figure out how to feed two infants at once. If I can roll this one over and prop the bottle here then I can balance this bottle and wipe the formula from her chin at the same time, This baby is done and crying because they need to burp but the other will scream and not take the bottle back if I put the bottle down for a second maybe I can roll her with this hand and lift her by pushing her against me, "Hush honey mommy can't do anything for you until your sister is done eating," "Hold on I'll finish giving you your bottle as soon as I can get your sister to stop crying"

A singleton mom has never had to break up baby fights during tummy time. "No baby you can't suck on your sister's ear," "Stop, when you grab her it scratches her," "Stop kicking your sister," "You can't roll over her"

A singleton mom has never had to figure out how to get two babies and her groceries into a grocery cart. Do I get two carts and put one in each seat and then drag one and push one, do I get a cart and bring a stroller, do I put one in the seat and one in the carrier in the basket

A singleton mom has never been ridiculed by her peers for simply giving birth. "Are they natural," "Are you going to be the next octomom," "I'm glad I'm not you," "You have your hands full," "I don't know how you do it," "Wow TWO"

I'm not saying that singleton mothers don't have a hard time and I'm sure they have experienced some of the things I described. Being a first time mom (or even a second, third, fourth time mom) is hard and comes with it's own challenages. I know that any mother with two or more children experiences a lot of these things, but when it's two infants it seems to amplify the pain. It pierces your soul and breaks your heart when you have to choose between the cries of your two 3 month olds. I can certainly see why so many more MoMs would have PPD.

The fears that come with two seems to be doubled. I worried how we would pay for two. My twins were a surprise. We never expected to have more than one and didn't have a plan in place for paying for twins. We worried about our living space (a one bedroom apartment wouldn't work for four people), day care costs, the cost of diapers and baby food, the cost of clothes and cribs and toys. I still worry about those things.

We worried about the pregnancy. I was in fear my whole pregnancy that they would come early or something would go wrong. I know this is common for pregnant woman but the risks that come with twins seems to be double- worrying about two babies.

I worried when we came home from the hospital that I wouldn't be able to tell my babies apart. It only took a day or two and I knew who was who, but that initial fear was so real and so scary. What if L was really S? What if I didn't know my own babies?

I worried that I would love one more than the other. The nursing books and mothering pamphlets talked about bonding with your baby and I had fears that I wouldn't be able to bond with both.

I worried that I wouldn't be able to handle both of the babies by myself. The thought of both of them screaming scared the hell out of me. I didn't think I could handle letting one cry, or trying to feed both of them. J stayed home with me for 6 weeks and I dreaded and feared the day he went back to work. He was much more confident about caring for the girls then I was. I learned that I could do it. I could handle both of them. I could feed them and take them places but it was scary to be out numbered.

The worst part about being a MoM is having to choose one baby over the other when they are both crying. I can pick up both at once and I have soothed that way but sometimes you have to let one cry and that is the worst feeling in the world. The feeling that there is nothing you can do for your baby.

I completely understand why being a MoM increases your PPD risk.